I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
only if we run a train.
done.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
