He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
