so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
