i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
