Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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