First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I currently don't understand fingers.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
