Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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