girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
