Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
