I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
