I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
