whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
