Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
