dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Randomize
