Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
