Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
