guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
