A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Houston, we have a squirter
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Randomize
