I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
