And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
