Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
