I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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