Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
