when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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