I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
that may or may not have been my penis.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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