just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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