If that was your dad, he is hot
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
