having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
