why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
