well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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