Sponge bath it is.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
