He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
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