Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
zippers are such a cool invention
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
My ATM looks so different sober.
he fucked my hip out of place.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
