Your tits are I can't wait for
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
