so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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