so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
