Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Randomize
