i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Best friends brother. Beat that.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
