when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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