with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
