We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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