I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
