You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
did you just send me my own nude
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