If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
