You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
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