would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Found your dick twin last night
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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