Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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