all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
