if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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