don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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